For those of us who are married you will agree with me that it’s common to have some expectations from your spouse, even before you have exchanged the vows. Isn’t it? How does it feel when some of these expectations are not fulfilled? We are disappointed, frustrated and can lead to a higher demotivation level of building a healthy marriage.
As I was reflecting unto my own personal – marriage -life, I realised that I had some unrealistic expectations. I expected to leak honey at its best and everything was going to be excellent. What a myth!
My dear sister, my dear brother, please allow me to share with you some of the things I wished I knew before I married. It doesn’t matter the state you find yourself in today, may it be single, divorced, separated or married, trust me these tips will help you make a healthier relationship and have fun, enjoying living with each other.
1. She/he is not responsible for your happiness. I believed that my mission searching for happiness was finally accomplished when I answered “Yes I do”. I felt like I had just swallowed another pill of happiness and therefore, I stopped dreaming and working on my own personal goals. I had probably misunderstood the meaning of the word happiness as explained in the dictionary. Ladies and Gents, you are responsible for your own happiness. Happiness is not a goal of you getting married but an outcome of a healthier worked on marriage, BY BOTH OF YOU. Holding her/him accountable for your happiness is just a big burden for your spouse, of which nobody can bear.
Of course his happiness is as much as important to me as to him. Life is a matter of growing and developing and so is marriage too. We both know that God is the only reliable source of a long-term happiness. God has enough and plenty of wisdom for each one of us, utilise it even after you are married.
2. Communication is a vital key in marriage. For the first years I expected him to read my minds. Honestly, how? An open and effective communication has helped us build out a strong intimacy. Don’t be shy to speak out your heart desires. Learn to listen and be aware of the power of your tongue. Words can be healing or hurting. I love doing validation if I have messed up in communicating.
3. I wish somebody told me that sex is food for the both of us! Waaah! I had so much misconceptions on this topic. It is not only about the physical actions. No, it’s about the oneness that connects the both of you spiritually intimate. Read more on this topic here.. http://grace-albrecht.com/allgemein/sex-is-an-important-spice-for-your-marriage/
Next to this, a man needs respect and to be honoured in actions and words.
4 True colours: Yes everyone has got some shades of imperfections. Unfortunately some of these imperfections may start to show up after you have married. In the courtship everything seem to be perfect, easy and loveable. We hardly reveal our true self. Gal, be ready to know and even learn to accept some silly part of him.
We are both not perfect and we are even very far from being perfect, but we are proud of each other. I, personally have learned to be grateful and content. I am sure that I am his helper, so I do my God assigned homework well. What are your experiences? Do you feel frustrated due to unmet expectations? Let me hear from you.
I love you,