How I dealt with my intermarriage issues.
On the very first day I met him, I felt so many butterflies in my stomach. Honestly, I didn’t understand myself at that moment.
We fell in love in each other on that day. The race and the culture differences could not stop us. I, by then spoke a very poor German and he spoke no English.
The only way we could communicate was through gestures and mimics. Neither could that stop us too. I always had a pocket-dictionary in my handbag and had to check every second word I wanted to say, or check the meaning of what he told me.
It was challenging as well as exciting.
We ended up exchanging the “Yes I Do” words in year 2003. Another chapter opened in my life. OMG, Grace you are now a wife to a white boy – a German!!! I asked myself innocently.
Have you ever wondered how things happened to you and your life? That was me wondering. Just the other day I was a village girl in one of the remotest area in Kenya, and there I was committing myself into a marriage, in a totally different world than where I had grown up.
“Hallo!”
Our marriage had not involved a lot of courtship before, and so there was a lot to learn about each other and from each other.
I came to understand that just being in love with each other is not the end of it all. Marriage is a lifetime process that requires more than just “Love”.
We had a lot of differences, not only in our way of thinking but also in our way of communicating with each other. It came to a point where we couldn’t communicate any more, every second sentence was misunderstood by either one of us.
I had to learn how to communicate with my husband. I had to be careful with how, and which words to use to phrase my questions. Thanks, be to God for giving me wisdom in this one.
Communication is one very important aspect in marriages, although mostly ignored or assumed.
I believe that the issue is not even the colour differences, neither the culture differences. Whoever you will choose to marry, there will be better and worse times. There will always be some boundaries between the both of you.
Unconditional love simply means that no matter which boundaries, you are both ready to work on them. Sticking to each other and accepting that nobody is perfect.
I learnt to do away with a lot of those things that made my husband angry. The issue with punctuality for example, which was a culture-thing. If it is 2pm, let it be 2pm Grace, and not a day after. Just the look in his eyes told it all that I was late…oouch!
It has been a process of me trying to change my “Kikuyu” way of demonstrating affection. Oh my… Someone help me please. 😉
I thought that words were enough to do magic. Pecks, hugs and kisses were for me in only private dark corners, where nobody is watching. C’mon Grace!
I have learnt that, “actions will always speak louder than words”.
Considering thirteen years now, I can look behind and see how far we have come together.
A stranger turned to be the man I adore and admire. The Man who has helped me conquer the culture shock in German, the man who always believed in me. He asked for nothing and gives me everything, to see I am fine. I call him my husband.
It is not easy to get along with homesick and living so far from my family. Sometimes you have to give up on some things, in order to get the best. I am happy and I can count it as a blessing.
Fact is, Home will always be Home. I miss you my lovely daddy, brothers, my only sister, nieces and nephews, my extended family-members, friends, neighbours, as well as my community in Kenya.
However, my marriage has opened my mind and my horizon. I have learnt a lot of the German-culture. I am more open to people and I have a top level of self-confidence.
We have not only seen ourselves grow older physically, but deeper in our spiritual life too. We have surrendered our life to God. We both desire to be God’s vessels and to be a blessing to many and to YOU too.
“We have let our marriage look less than the world and more like Christ.”
Thanks for reading till the end. I trust you have gotten some value out of this blog. I will appreciate your comment, sharing, opinions likes and love.
Thank you.
With much love
yours Grace
Grace this is a very encouranging revelation , most of us people fail to hide our ego and open up to the unknown positively, we are always on the defensive side of venture, the more we confine ourselves the more we block opportunities to learn and change our perceptions. Marriages are indeed made in heaven . but it requires more positive efforts and real honest sacrifices work it out to the best . thank you Grace . and congratulations . say hi to our brother in law . have a merry – Xmas too.
Dear Silvester,
Your words makes me more courageous, thank you so much.
Merry xmass to you and your family.
kind regards Grace
ps Your brother-in-law said a big hallo back. 😉
Waoh – well said Grace.
You are a source of inspiration
Dear Daniel,
Thanks so much.
Merry xmass to and your family.
kind regards Grace
Many thanks.
Merry Xmas to you and the entire family.
With kind regards,
Daniel
Grace it’s the hand of God to be this far. Honor and Glory back to Him.
Dear Linda, thank you and Amen!
Merry xmass to you and your family.
Kind regards Grace
“A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other!” #That’sdeep.Always looking forward to reading more of your blogs.
I am glad Mary, if you can get value from my blogs.
Thanks for always taking your time to read.
Merry xmass to you and your family.
Kind regards Grace
Grace i can only use two word sentence …. your blessed.
I look back to the classmate i knew and the great woman she has become. May Gods divine favor continue to be with you and your husband as you continue to scale the heights.
Dear Pauline,
Thanks so much.
Many more blessing to you and
your family.
kind regards Grace
Wow GRACE.. Very inspiring…m not only reading your msgs/ shares bt learning alot . Conglatz gal cont wit that spirit may God bless your marriage.. Am honestly happy for you..
Dear Esther,
I am happy that you have been learning alot.
Awesome. Many more blessing to you.
Kind regards Grace
I can identify with the Kikuyu way of showing affection and love. lol
Dear Tshikoh,
Lolest. We blame the culture..
Kind regards Grace
Such a grate read Grace. Thanks much for sharing….there is a lot to learn …
Blessings
Hallo Katya,
I am glad that you got yourself value out of this.
Blessings too
Kind regards Grace
what a lesson! Communication is the key word. Merry Christmas n a prosperus 2017
Dear Sandra,
Communication is everything in everything in life.
Thanks and merry Xmass!
Kind regards Grace
Very honest and inspiring piece. I’m in an interracial marriage across your border. Communication is key to healthy marriage.
Dear Judy,
Thank you.
Communication is a big issue which everyone should learn.
Check your Email.
Kind regards Grace
Bible says; He who finds a good wife finds a good things and obtain favor from the Lord prov 18:22. Many blessings to your family!
Merry Christmas and Happy 2017 🙂
Dear Holly,
Amen and thank you.
kind regards Grace
Stumbling onto you and your work was a greater year ender for me. This is opens up the thinking on marriage and the things that matter in a new light and i believe it offers learning nuggets to women and men alike. Looking forward to reading more of your thoughts.