Seeing a happily married couple does not mean that magic happened in their life, for their marriage to be healthy. Of course, no, there is a big battle to fight behind every successful marriage. Yes, there is nothing like “A-Good-Ready Made-Marriage”.

Looking back through my marriage life, we have both learnt a lot from each other. We have had tough times together, we have fought and exchanged harsh words! There are days I felt like raising my red flag and say, “It was never meant to be”

So, what have I learnt?

After fourteen years of marriage I have realized that you can never change someone else. It is not even in your role of a wife/husband either. Trying to fix each other will drive both of you damn crazy.

I want to be honest with you like a sister or a brother. I have tried to change him, but the more I tried the tougher it got.  I was good at recording a list of his flaws in my mind. For example, when I’d come home and find some cutlery standing in the kitchen sink, it was time for a speech. Oooh am I calling it a speech, that’s a lie. It was time for me to yell at him the loudest I could. It was now my opportunity to replay that recorded cassette of his mistakes in my mind.

You know what I am talking about. It went like this, “yesterday you did this and that, and by the way the day before yesterday you left the table in chaos, what about on Monday you…and the cassette kept playing and playing” God have mercy on me!

Did he change after me yelling at him?  No, the next day he will even not make an attempt of bringing the cutlery in the kitchen, but left it on the dining table. (Recorded it for the next yelling – “speech”)

Does it mean that I was flawless and never wronged him? Of course, I had wronged him countless times. I remember the number of times I forgot to put the lights off in the house, or left some traces of make-up on the bathroom sink. My husband is not that person who dwells on the flaws of others. I was trying to fix him the way I wanted him to be. This is being selfish. I wanted to operate like a wife with her own strength, ability, ignoring my own weakness of perfectionism. My focus was to change him, which I failed!

What’s my point?

I want to encourage today. if you are unhappy with your marriage, or if you want to marry soon.  There are some battles are not worth struggling to fight them. Even if you win it, ask yourself about the long-term consequences. Is there harmony thereafter in your home?

It’s till I started learning how to love God first that things started changing.  My love for God has taught me to love my husband more and unconditionally, just like Christ does to us.  God has dealt with my heart very seriously. He has revealed to me my weaknesses and where I missed it. I had fallen short of being a submissive wife.

Marriage is a trinity. The both of you and God. God will make you overlook beyond the imperfections. Ask God to transform Him for God’s glory and for your own good.

We are both focused on being Christ –  like. This does not mean that we are perfect. I am still learning not to “yell” at him, after he has used the last toilet paper on the roll and did not change it.

Both of you are responsible of building a healthy immunity for you to stay married, simple science!

I do love you so much. My joy is when you read this blog and feel encouraged.


Best of regards
yours Grace

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  1. Great post Grace. It was a battle within me each time he left the toilet seat up. Until one day the Holy Spirit asked…”How heavy is that toilet seat. How many hours do you need to put it down?”…I realised just how ridiculous it was, quarelling over it…:)

    Love you Twinny, Keep the Faith. Continue Inspiring and encouraging….

    1. Grace says:

      Thank you Laura! That was aslo in my records.
      We thank God for wisdom to operate
      submissively.. I love you twinny.